we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
