i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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