Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
