I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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