Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
