is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
