he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
