Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
