Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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