Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
