So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
