If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
