How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
