By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
