I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
