it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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