that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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