it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
