So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
