her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
