Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
