on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
