i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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