guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
