Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
