piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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