TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We have started to decorate penises.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
