He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
