Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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