dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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