I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
