I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
