Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
