Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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