There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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