carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
