he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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