I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
