There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
