remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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