I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
