I'm jealous of your bromance
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
