so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
