Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
