Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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