also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
