I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You don't make any sense
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