We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
