once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
