dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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